"Vandal Friday" by Justin Ruggles

Welcome new freshman, come enjoy our school.
All students drink here, those who don't, well they're not all that cool.
You'll be introduced to Jose, Jim, and Jack,
And if you know the "green" people, you'll even score a sack.
You all looked great in your campus tour groups, teeth brushed--hair combed and more,
I give you a month, rockin' sweat pants to class, and smelling like John's Alley's floor.

We like hosting you at our greek homes and dorms,
We also panic, hiding alcohol and illegal materials a you show up in swarms.

Don't screw off, go to class, do your homework, get it done,
Ah, who am I kidding, SAE's are having Pimps & Hoes--go have fun!

Over the summer, stay healthy and eat right.
Because soon enough, you'll be surviving off ramen and Busch Light.
Try to stay off any type of U of I probation,
And don't let your suitemate catch you in the act of masturbation.
I know your probably nervous, but you're a Vandal now, stand tall,
I wish you the best of luck and we'll see you in the fall.